Sitting down to write this blog post that has been churning in my head since 4:30am, with my massive cup of comfort (coffee), I don't know where to begin. I think a lot of people are feeling this way right now. Not sure where to begin, not sure what to do next, not sure how to carry on a sense of 'normal' in a world that is anything but normal. Trying to decipher information that is real versus information that is based in fear. Constantly fact checking, reading and researching all while wanting to just put it down, to turn it all off but the draw to connect is just too strong. It is our human condition to crave connection, we are not meant to live in isolation but here we are, being asked to distance ourselves from society, from our family, from our friends, our teams, our clubs, our favorite coffee shops, our places of worship, our quiet places, places that bring us peace and safety. We are asked to stay home but yet to reach out, to maintain social distance but to lean on each other. Social media is a beast there is no doubt about that. In the midst of pandemic it has sparked anxiety and fear but lately I am seeing stories of hope, stories of community, connection, love and support. I wish there was a filter we could adjust or a setting we could enable to show us only this. To show us only the good parts of the world.
My family is safe at home. We are not yet on strict isolation but we are practicing as much social distancing as possible. I feel that we are living on borrowed time. In addition to my role at Love n' Snuggles, I am a Registered Nurse at our community Urgent Care facility. I have loved every minute of my career as a nurse but it's during times like this that I question my career choice. Some people will say I signed up for this when I decided to become a nurse. Did I really? Everything changes when you have a family and children at home to keep safe. I might have signed up for this but I am still human. I don't want to get sick and I sure as s#i* don't want to bring this virus home to my family. They didn't sign up for this. As much as I question my career choice, there is no way you could keep me from going in to work everyday to help those who need it. Right now nurses are being asked to quarantine with any sign or symptom of Covid-19. Again, I feel like we are living on borrowed time. How long will it be before those restrictions loosen? How long can our medical system sustain the onslaught of sick, scared and anxious people? How long will it be before I start showing signs and symptoms? I wake up every morning and check in... is my throat scratchy? do I have a headache? fever? cough? body aches? Am I obsessing over symptoms and making myself feel a certain way? Nope... I'm still good.
I am a firm believer in the silver lining. In every negative there is a positive. In every challenge there is a lesson. When there is bad, there is also good. We can't have one without the other and in today's world, we need a lot more of the good stuff. I am being told that I have to stay home (on my days off anyways. I am one of the lucky ones to still have a job right now). I am being told that my kids have to stay home. My husband is still working, he is one of the lucky ones too, but for how long? Borrowed time. Year after year I tell myself, I need to slow down. My kids are growing up faster than I would like and every year seems to pass like a bullet train and we're just trying as hard as we can to hold on. Now, we are being forced to slow down and in a lot of ways, it feels like I can breathe again. When will we ever have this chance again? When will our employers ever tell us that we have to take mandatory time off work to stay home with our families? There's that silver lining, now I can see it.
In this time at home I feel compelled to turn on the computer and feverishly (although without a fever) work on the Love n' Snuggles classroom, publish new classes, write blog posts, connect with clients I am unable to see in person, to keep working. It's my passion and it's a hard draw to repress, but I am. When will I ever have this opportunity with my family again? To play with the kids before they are too big to want to play with me? To take afternoon naps and leisurely walks where my kids still want snuggle in and hold my hand. I am sure that you will still see a blog post here and there because who am I kidding, mama is going to need a break sometimes! But for the most part, I will be isolating myself between work and home. Taking a break, a nap, a walk in the sun and enjoying the peace of a world slowing down. When the mood gets heavy and fear creeps back in, I will filter my thoughts and continue to live in the silver lining. I hope you can too. Stay safe... and wash your hands!